Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Things I cannot get out of my head...

However hard I try to get rid of them, there are some things that stick with me. Here are some of them. If you know how I can work on getting rid of some of the clutter in my head, let me know.

  • My first licking in a street fight in Bombay. It's been 13 years but it still rankles. Though, self admittedly, this one is fairly insignificant, but it's here because it plays upon some small part of my brain occasionally.
  • Not getting to meet my Dad before he died.
  • Losing our baby: Was quite a shock. The worst shock that I had ever received. I have come to terms with the loss, but it took a while. The aftershocks were more difficult to deal with actually. The event needs to be over-riden with good news I think, but all that is in the hands of the Almighty.
  • Job loss: So bloody unfair... While I have come to terms with the fact that the separation had more to do with the company than me, remnants of the event still float by occasionally in my head.
  • We'd just moved to Pune after two personal tragedies (we'd lost a baby & my wife had tragically lost her mother a few months later), and both of us had taken up new jobs. My wife was relating to a colleague, the list of appliances we needed in the house. The conversation went like this:
Colleague: Do you have Appliance X?
Wife: No. Need one.
Colleague: Do you have Appliance Y?
Wife: No. Need one.
Colleague: Do you have Appliance Z?
Wife: No. Need one.
Then in an obvious reference to Deewar, the colleague goes: You have a Mother at least?
  • Losing my Grandmother
All these things bother me I guess because I couldn't do anything to change their course. I was helpless, powerless. With the passage of time & with some effort, they bother me less each time they flit by, but up until recently they impacted me fairly negatively.

I know this post is in a very different vien from my usual rants, but I figured that the blog was supposed to be a personal diary among the many other things it has since become. So I went ahead anyway.

Tell me what you think.


  1. You know one of the things I can't get out of my head?
    Me being small and fighting with my elder brother - our usual fist-fights with me losing and crying because I was losing, not because I was hurt. And then, my hitting my brother in the eye. And the total silence in the room as I cringed - I had hit too hard - and expected to get as good as I gave. I shrank back to the corner of the bed, expected to be beaten so hard that I didn't even cry out of fright. Mom and a neighbour pulling back my brother, saying, let it go, she's a child, it wasn't deliberate. And my brother moving inexorably towards me.... and just when I expected to be hit, he kissed me instead.

  2. :-) Thank you so much for reminding me of that incident. I'm sorry for being such a bully babes!
    I remember that incident clearly. PKD was trying to stop me, but I broke free. And although it may have seemed impulsive at that time, it was, even in that brief moment, premeditated. Unfortunately my purpose wasn't entirely to make my sister feel OK; it was partly also out of a desire to make her feel guilt. But I'm glad things turned out positively. I'm glad you remember the incident fondly. You do right?


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